Back to my life.

OK, that person whom i ain't happy with recently is quite a OK guy... hmm... sounds weird but he's ok, doesn't piss me off liao, still got talk to me.
I went to tpjc to watch the soccer match. I thought that MJ might lose for an instance as tpjc was leading by 1-0 n later by 2-1... but in the end, MJ triumphed with 3-2 over tp... YAY...
I met Ruth...
Now i know why we broke, it's corz of religon. Her religon doesn't allow dating with a free-thinker. Her sis was against it since the 1st day so she broke with me. I can't believe it, not even now. It took her 8 months to tell me that news? It was straight after O lvls... i dunno.. It's like was she so despo so she got me for those few months and later when the tough period is over, she just simply cast me aside. She has been lying to me for many times now.. I dunno what's the truth. If u love someone, will u keep lying to him and telling others the truth?
I feel used... those memories were fake even if it does exists...

On friday, i lived one of the most boring days in my life! Blardy sports day.. No life sia... boring to the max, wanna pon but they say there are severe consequences. IN the end, never take attendance... but the gates were guarded by marshalls... so cannot run out... MJ sch activities no life sia... SUX SUX SUX SUX...





shi er fen de tired la...

I just went off to dreamland after finishing my dinner yesterday.

Today get back my GP summary. Was very disappointed. I think i've got the lowest score for that assignment in the whole class and there was this guy that's super irritating that doesn't know when to stop rubbing in. It's the same for chem test, he's just show off when he got higher marks. =.= Just shut up already. THen there's this guy who's so damn childish. WHat's his problem?! Always taking my seat when i am gonna sit there... I am like so pissed.. Always thinks he's better... I was like scolding him with expletives.. PISSED OFF BY HIM... small child's look but always think he's better... ASS....





Blogging..

These few days haven't been smooth sailing for me. Firstly, I realised i lost my tutorial file at night. Secondly, I was led onto the wrong bus which doesn't bring me to any interchange, but to the Changi Airport. Third but last, i hope.. Is that i failed my tests, namely econs, physics and chemistry.

Well, on a happier note, i found my tutorial file the nxt day, found my way home after getting lost in the Airport and hopefully pass my tests.

I keep pangseh-ing my class on Friday. Well, i still get along fine with them. So i think that doesn't pose a problem except for some people whom i don't bother myself with. Nothing can be perfect, can it? =p

Time to summarise friday... blah blah... went to Bugis to meet Yuzhen, was late by 10~15 minutes, then had lunch, wait for Pat while walking ard for 1-2 hours. No movies to watch, met up with Pat, then wait for Shurong. Shurong takes like forever to walk from the Mrt station to Bugis Junction, then had "dinner"... I only had snacks, Shurong didn't eat, N Pat's was cheated of her money by the stupid vendor who charges exhorbitant prices for just a plate of rice. Then Yz went to parkway, I took Mrt with Pat n Shurong. Lol, nice gathering.. WEIRD. Didn't do anything, well, Shurong muz feel more bored than me, he DIDN'T do anything, seriously except to watch ppl eat. =x

Well, muz train volleyball.. i dowan to get additional solo practices while in group training. So embarrassing even for 1st timer.





Today super fun sia, no hw to pass up!!! But got test la, super duper sianzzzz then.
During econs teacher's spot check, she sent the whole lot of us who didn't do her hw out of class to find a spot n finish up the qtns before going back... which is like... ~7 ppl then when i went back, i just am quiet during her lesson la... sian liao. I don't even like her teaching. I don't know what she's teaching, all mumbling and no concrete answer.
Yong Cheng asked her a qtn and that sparked a mini " debate " among the class with the students against the teachers and proving the validity of their answer. It was long and fun, with the teacher being pissed off i think, that's the worst a TRAINEE teacher has to go through.

After that got P.e... got a better timing this time, YEA! =P With Bob running beside me, hahha! It was recess after that and i went with Jason to the changing room to... change. THe toilet was already flooded up to the ankle height. It's so dumb lor.. N... we were late for chinese lesson after that by 10 minutes corz Jason went to bath... Both of us were like gonna find excuses to tell the teacher until we saw the class JUST making their way into the class -_-""

GP was fun and entertaining, though the contents will never be disclosed where the public has access to that info. =) My class got so many groups, I talk/sit with Jing Yuan, then i kena labelled ultimate anti social, corz my class ain't seeing eye to eye with him. He's always with two girls in the class n flirting la.. So the guys hardly talk to him and now anti him... Then i rammed the table into Daron's hand by accident today... then he lil pissed off at me... but then agn, he's holding on to my Maths lecture notes for almost 2 weeks now n i can't do the tutorial -.-""

Tmr is gonna be a short but tedious day still... going back to TK to get the O lvl cert...

Maybe with... Shok, Kevin, Kia Tar.





Is life gonna get more organised for me? Just today alone, i missed an outing with my CG and volleyball training with Kevin. Ok, back to Thursday first, I scraped my kneecap while doing pushups. I only realised that when i see blood gushing out of my wound. I didn't feel any pain.

THis morning, i almost pangseh Kevin for volleyball training, well... in the end i sure did. I pangseh my CG corz i agreed beforehand that i will go out with Kevin. I think my trustworthiness with both sides went down. I missed the training with kevin as it was raining in the afternoon and that i was sleeping in the evening when the rain had subsided.

Well, though i ain't doing all that great in sch n not handing up quite a few assignments to date, I am able to be immune to whatever that reminds me of you. =) Now i can talk freely to you whenever i have the chance to! O_O

That's all for today, tmr flagday at Tampines MRT station.... It's gonna be a long day and no studying =(





Just how great can this day get?!.. First, i woke up sleeping on my side i think. THen when i got up out of bed, i fell down as my right leg was TOTALLY numb!! Then my right ankle was twisted. Nxt, when getting in to shower, my leg foot hit against the " side " of the shower thing when getting into it. That was ... OOUuUUuuuuuCHhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when i thought i can skip the running part for P.E, the teacher told me to run with the grp. 1km + 0.9km+0.7km. My ankle totally hurts now, i was limping for most of the day.

Tmr volleyball, how long will it take for me to recover? It still hurts, i am just gonna aggravate the injury if i keep this up with jumping. I don't even dare to land with my right foot anymore, I still wanna be sporty and not abuse my right foot. =)) Hw... Hw... Hw...





I smsed u in the morning n u replied at night, i dunno whether that's on purpose to avoid me. Nvermind, i shall give you the benefit of the doubt. Budden later when i am online, u went offline within a minute. Well, that's kinda obvious that you are avoiding me. There's no need for you to have memories of you where we are heading to - as friends. The way things happened, i feel justified to delete that blog. It's shared between the both of us, just that alone can break my heart many times over. In addition to that, the posts evoked my feelings n raked up the past.. painful times, unlike the ones on my post where it ain't written on the same day that event happened. U treated me unlike a friend, that's how i feel. U lied to me time and time again, i sometimes cannot accept the fact that why would you even wish to remain as friends when that's how u are treating the friendship.
U wanted me to blog on 24.03.06, but you didn't, that alone chills my heart. Your reason was that you had a camp, if so, don't ask me to blog. It's meaningless to celebrate an anniversary u have with another person ALONE. Ok, what i am going to say now may not be objective, but i have a feeling that you treat me like nothing la! U said ur heart is still with me on ur blog now, but u don't reply my smses even on normal days, etc... when.. Even with me around, beside you, in class, you were still replying to Ben Lim last time... Well, that's a very gd example. I am just nothing to you. Ur words are sweet, like saying you can't forget me. But, it's all meaningless if u don't mind it, which i know u mostly don't...

If love needs a reason, it would be a purpose. That's what you always said to me. Which i thought was the truth until u wrote on ur msn that if Somebody said love needs no reason, he/she would be lying. U acknowledged the second sentence which just says whatever you were saying previously was a lie. The words that come out from u are beautified to justify ur reasoning to make it correct as u are just u. Always eager to win, will never lose and you just have a reason for WHATEVER you do, EVERYTHING u do. Even flirting.

Give me a break, cut me some slack, STOP LYING TO ME. If so, just cut off ur friendship with me if u c a need to lie to sustain this friendship. A friendship should be transparent, or translucent, but not opaque. I can't see where i am heading with this friendship when i can't differentiate lies from truth, u will never stop lying to me. I dunno, can u don't put anything regarding me on ur nick? It's so fake... + chilled heart +





Another post, another sequel.

This brings me to the day during the sports day in tk. Adeline was running and midway, she had a cramp and had to quit midway. I was saying she faked it and you wanted me to apologize to her. That's ridiculous lol. I didn't say anything and i gave u that displeased look. After the whole event, i was heading back home with kevin, joel n YC, then i saw you walking with adeline. Adeline asked me to send u home n i also have no response corz i was not very happy with u and ade.
The nxt day, Friday morning. I was sitting beside erm, Vera with you beside her. I didn't talk to you and then you weren't happy either. Then ppl said you cry. During chinese remedial in the afternoon, u sat with KY, so i sat with Shok, then there was more unhappiness. For reasons that i don't remember, i walked past the TKGS bus stop later in that day n saw you with Talia n I walked past as though i don't recognise you, i don't think u saw me either. I was a bit jealous that u sat with KY as a matter of fact after u hugged him lol =p. U sad i also can be sad too ok.!!

After the 1st break, some changes were inititated. We were pretty close during the 1 week additional lessons. During the chinese lesson in hall when we needa watch how some ppl prepare for their chinese orals, we held hands. N we pretty much went around the sch together during that week, it's really very nice.

Well, u ended up in Maths tuition with me sometime during May. N we were arguing over it, when all i wanted was for you to be with me all the time, everytime.

+i need a break, this is tiring+





+continued from previous post+

So we hardly talked, due to the shy factor. U rejected me everytime i asked u out, " I wouldn't say yes even if u asked me out " that's what u said n u went out with others even when u were free on that day. THose were really harsh words u used.
So jj intervened agn. So u finally went out with me, or i pei ni la. That was the day before Chinese mock exam or after, i can't really remember. U needed to make a spare ez-link card in Pasir Ris, so i didn't go out with Wei Jin they all go kbox nor go watch movie n pei ni. =p

But then agn, it didn't make a difference. We still ain't talking during the trip. At least i tried. But there's a gap between us then, you don't sit beside me and always sit a seat away from me or in front of me on bus. Thx a lot la.. On the return trip, we met Faith. U sat with her and we didn't even say a single word to each other on our trip back. Well, at least that was a a start. We always couldn't make it in our schedule to study together for Chinese mock.

That was during the 1st month period. On the 1st month, 6th day. Something drastic happened. It was a Saturday. The day before, u were asking JJ n Yew Choon why i so dao you, when in fact i actually initiated talks with you. Then for reasons that i don't remember, we changed the topic to ur ex bf, corz of my curiosity. Then u let me know bout how u dumped ur ex " bf " for your senior cause u were fond of your senior when u have a " relationship " with ur ex for 2 yrs. Somehow, that made me realise that u were fickle minded. We got into a big fight.. Then u initiated a break up at night. Well, i was there thinking for a while what happened.. N i shed 2 drops of tears.. That's a lot. I smsed you later that how easy it was to break.. n blah blah blah.. Then Chanel helped speak to you. We patched the day after that, giving each other another chance.
We really made an effort to get closer to each other.. + to be continued + it's too long!!!!





Everything has to come to an end. I've given up hope. I don't see u, i don't hear from you. To complete the final yr of 2005 n bring an end to this tormenting time for me.
Yr 2005, sec 4c. Ard Jan, the class has begun to spread " rumours " of me liking you, namely Nai Yu, Kevin and some other " characters ". That escalated to the whole class knowing the situation and it's spreading like wild fire. U were sitting in the front row and i was at the back row, n it so happens that whenever i look at the teacher, i would catch sight of you and that really left a deep impression in me. So from that time onwards, we msged each other agn corz i knew the rumour has got to u.
In sch, i will get nervous n scared that u will ignore me n avoid me whenever the guys raise that rumour agn. The girls said that u liked me too, then you were shy too. Same here.
There's once u asked me to go tampines poly with you, i kinda detested that thought at first, but if there's a moment to see you, i will take that up anytime. But even when i was there, we didn't talk newai. U walked in front n me at de back. But at 1pm, i was like dam sick of it.. then i went to meet with JH.. I left with Wei Jin who was not very enthusiatic bout poly too. I didn't stay for movie though i wanted to watch one with you. When i was reaching home, i got that sms from you saying that u hugged KY during the movie, thx a lot la! Then asked me not to be jealous.. nice one agn...
Another day, u asked me whether i liked pat n my ans was a little, ya.. You said that you were only testing me and prying information from me.
Then at night, u asked whether i liked you, my reply was yes, kinda. So it all began, u knew of my feelings for you and when i asked of ur feelings for me, u replied on sms stating that it's on your nick. i can still vaguely remember ur nick was " ^_^ i like you too " n that was on ur nick when you asked me bout pat.
JJ asked me to initiate steading with you since we both know that we were fond of each other. Then u rejected me, citing the " O " lvls as an excuse. When JJ knew of it, he scolded you for rejecting me. Even then, the smses continue and on the night of 24.03.05, after a whole string of smses, u asked me whether we were together. I pondered over a long period of time wondering what answer to give you to not make us both in an embarrassing situation. But i replied yes all the same, n that was on that night that we stead. The nxt day was Good Friday, when i spent my time at home while u were out playing pool with Adeline and a group of male counterparts. Adeline called me during noon to call me to join u and i could hear u saying no, so.. i have no reply.. though at the end, u wanted me to join but it's too late and i couldn't understand ur statement that you weren't really talking to the boys ( maybe that's just you in the beginning phase ).
So the nxt day, on a Sat when i went back to Tk for D&T, JJ n the rest now know that we are steads now. That's gd news isn't it? But even then, we never go out, we never talk face to face...


+ to be continued + U just msged me on msn... breaking my chain of thoughts... Mixed feelings





Give me a day when i can bring myself out of the reality and drown myself in my fairytale dreams... Give me a moment when i can close my eyes n be oblivion to my surroundings. Give me a second when i can empty my thoughts and be void. Nothing nothing nothing...
I want a day when everything comes to a standstill and gives ppl time to reflect. That's when time management comes into the picture, yet when i think about you, i find myself doing nothing but having images of u in my mind... It's been some time now, 4-5 months. I still can't forget you, everything about you..
Those memories never seemed to leave me alonge for even a day. It haunts me everyday, even in school. I can do nothing except to pester you, maybe if i know that u have a bf, till then will everything be cleared..
I know nothing... at least u get along well with ur male counterparts... that's good..
To be honest, i thought of reconcilling... but... i am only dreaming..
There's only one reality, the reality doesn't not waver...
U changed me, friends ain't that important... as long as u have n am committed to one person, the others comments will nver be heard. Now, that immunity is gone. Even so, i am ok with everything...

Give me a day of freedom. Promise me an ending to this sorrow.