Half's the day gone now, it's 1342 hr now...

I have been sick of life sick sick sick... Really anti.. when am i gonna pick myself up agn?

I have a lot of wrong concepts bout life, n i don't really wanna change. Let it be, i don't really care now except that that's how my life has been brought down to this stage n i find it ok to stay this way...

THe clock's ticking away... I am behind time now way behind... GIve me a month n i will not accomplish anything either. I am just not happy with everything..

I realli.. have.. no.. mood for studies...
I don't feel anything now... nothing...





Tons of hw is piling up... I ain't in the mood to do tutorials, revise lectures, do PI for pw n debate research for gp... A lot's on my mind lately...
Went back to tk today, n it has really changed... drastically.. Familiar faces are gone.. How great it is... as ppl come and go as though nothing happened.
OK, the layout for tk has changed, many teachers gone.. Saw Junjie today, the hostility is still there i guess... i don't have anything to say bout him now.. Just that it's great for him to be with the girl of his dreams... after such a long time.. True love btw them...
I did wrong last time n i totally regret it now.. love is not measured by intimate acts... but through feelings N i shouted at u ppl for what i did wrong... but u ppl shldn't piss me off not when u make her angry n embarrassed... when she's all that i have then...
THe more i think of it, the more i feel as though i am ageing... Now there's nothing to left in the past except for memories to recount for..
I really miss everything...
Everything... that once i held dear to my heart...





I never let ppl know bout my blog... corz the contents ain't really gonna be known by others... It's gonna be like not objective and just emotional..

Ppl come and go... The anguish of longing for someone who doesn't appear...

It's only 2 weeks.. n i hate it in mj... life sucks there... I will stay in mj, yes i will... following the path that i have chosen and walk through it to the end to make sure it's the right choice. The paths that i didn't choose might not as well have existed. MJ.. will be my sch for the coming 18 months... long dreadful 18 months.

Say gdbye to Sec4c 2005 n welcome another uninteresting yr in a class that doesn't much appeal to me... It's like i don't like every yr since sec 4... I have no life... C'mon, half of sec4c/2005 can hate me for all i care... I have no idea what true friends are, corz none has ever appeared...
How i wish i can have at least one tksian i know in my class... at least i don't have to go through the process of " socialising "... I dowan to stand out as a loner, n i don't wish to force myself to blend in with them...
One step at a step....

life sux.... true friends are few and far between, too bad i never chance onto any one of them, just my luck... TK NCC (SEA)rox forever.. i nver thought i would say that....





Here's the article that i once said i will set out to finish....

It was yr 2004... TKsec3c... U were sitting behind diagonally to the left of me.
My experiences with u back then was only the passing of notes between rows.. in addition to that, i got a seat behind diagonally to the left of you in auditorium during english lessons.. That was when we talked.. quite a lot sometime during the yr... that's when i got a crush on you... i think... well crush is too strong a word maybe... i just like every girl i c....
Then there was April, 2004... when i added u on msn... first time we chatted online... i remember ur nick starts with "$ec 3 life rox" or something like that... was really unique. U asked me bout the nicol highway incident n i didn't know anything bout that then until i watched the news on 5 at 9pm... corz u asked me to.. well, u said u wanna go for the dnt course on that day in Sing Poly.. Well, i have gone for most of the courses and i know u really have no interest in the courses then lor.... Then u introduced me to ur kor, a penguin?.... something like that...
Well, it has been quite fun after that.. We talked during english, u would turn back n i find it really relaxing to chat with you back then. U were a very friendly girl back then. I have no doubts abt u being a gd friend then, i love it when u come online and it ain't really difficult to spot with ur nick being constant n OUTSTANDING.. Then Andrea told me not to trust you..[ i don't recall the reason u gave me for her saying that... ] I wasn't really affected by that remark though...
Then during the june holidays, when i was cooped up at home " studying "... We smsed each other... or at least seek companion during the boring times... You msged me bout seeing Oliver, our senior... my NCC senior and that u once had a crush on him.. that's cool..
Weeks after the mid yr exams... after the exams, we had a change of seating arrangement in the auditorium during english.. You were sitting in front of me now n i think it's really awkward for u to turn behind n face me... Yea... So.. we don't talk to each other as often then.. Slowly, we don't talk to each other at all during english lessons... You were talking to Junjie n Yewchoon...

SOoooo... that last from APril to around JUne... we don't sms anymore after that... Then i wasn't being fond of you after that... till...

... September.. I sometime msg u over the phone.. but i always do not get a reply...

OK, there might be a problem with the chronological order... but... nvm...
oh yah... i just remembered celebrating my birthday at home during the olympics season... n also the common test period... It's AUGUST... maybe u were the girl that's on my mind... so that's why joel mentioned u... but i don't really remember.. yep, think it's u... that explains what joel said... N i have no idea what happened during the period when i was absent. It's like, ppl are saying that i have a crush on you now esp during the dnt design course on fridays when you were sitting in front of me, but you were also playing with ky.. so i really don't know... then i was like denying it... during that time, it was really nice seeing u at 2.30pm for the course... it's nice... when u sit in front of me too.... I have no idea how much i can like somebody back then.. but it was u... well, most of the time........
End of yr holidays... I was going for a routine NCC training i think... then i saw ur band cohort returning from what was a Sentosa trip, I looked at you but didn't go up to you n say hi... After that... ONe night, on msn, u told me ur phone " drowned " at sentosa and u needed some contacts... I got ur new number but then agn, all the msgs i send to that number also didn't get a reply from u....

Adding in, you were the star in dnt class... just in the middle of the class, between u n the teacher.. I was like staring at you... yea, very cute.. N during then end of yr holidays, there was the dnt courses... U signed up for a very girly course, so i can't see u then on the pretext of going for the course... N.. u gave up one of ur course to Shurong... SO i miss u then agn... n i only know from shurong that u have to go for band so u gave him ur place in the course...

I know.. you were ignoring me back then... avoiding... THen i forgot bout u... Until yr 2005...


The details are sketchy after 2 yrs... but it's one of the best part of my life.. More will be added in... to complete the story of you n me... that spans over 2 yrs...





I am feeling tensed all over... my body's feeling it...
I didn't take care of myself during the 3 months break... now i think i ain't that fit to handle stress etc etc... Sleep is among my top priorities now, maybe add in some exercises now and then to get back my strength.
I just realised how essential warm up is... now i can feel my back " muscle " [if i have any, little bit of fat, rest all skin^^]... tense n ache whenever i stretch... If only i can relax my back faster... at least i won't fail as badly in the 2.4 klic run during the p.e...

N... i saw the jc2 canoeing members... n... lol!!! their body is like... power lol... can c all the muscles... strong o.O!!! O.o!!!
The guai guai character is still around in me... I always have to decide for quite a long time b4 ponning any activities.... be it CCA, science fiesta, whatever it is la!!!....!!!!...!!!
Stanley said there ain't any attendance taking during the fiesta thingie... AWESOME!!!
imma just gonna pon whatever stuff that doesn't appeal to me.... that's outside the curriculum of coursE!!!!!!!

Just gonna relax now..... i hope i don't injure myself agn..... My back is like... OUCH... i feel as though it's some kind of old ailment.... rheumatism.... =/





test test...